Bum Cheeks

I like to think that I'm a moderately sane person. I say moderate, because everyone has their moments. Every once in a while, however, I go a little crazy. Sometimes they're just thoughts that no sane person would have and other times I'll do something insane. For example: I sometimes think getting paid for sex wouldn't be a bad thing; it's like having your cake and eating it too. And an example of an action would be the time I tried to run a football over on my bike. I went over my handlebars and almost blacked out. Any normal person would have weighed the odds of getting hurt versus actually making it over the thing, but not me. This split second decision making combined with the fact that I never was very good at physics almost caused me to break my neck. The sad part of that story was this only happened a year ago and was actually not as wild as some of my other ingenious plans. And I've done these things since I was a kid.

Why I'm sharing these details with anyone I don't know, but I suppose there is some entertainment value to some of these stories. I think we should start with a winter fiasco in hopes that if we talk about it it will go away.
*Note: Names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.

Bum Cheeks

Now everyone knows that friends are always crueler than strangers. It's true because they know your weaknesses; they know exactly which buttons to push to egg you on and get you where it hurts. Let me set the scene. It's a cold snowy Friday night in "Old Gal" and my roommate, who we shall call "ThinGy" with the "G" pronounced as if you were saying the word gumpy, and I decided we were bored and all of our friends should probably come over and preferably bring some Jack and Jim with them for having received an invitation to our abode. ThinGy likes Jack and I at the time liked Jim. Unfortunately most of our friends are poor college students so they showed up with five Keystone instead, there were seven of us.

So with out great plan down the drain we resorted to another way to entertain us, a good ol' game of Truth or Dare. We hoped that if we were loud enough our cute neighbor boys, who happened to both work at an ice cream factory, would bring us a cake like they had a few weeks earlier during a particularly rowdy girls night/birthday party.

Here's where the insanity and cruelty comes in to play, because this was no high school game of Truth or Dare and I never back down from a dare. The game started out mild enough, but there's always one friend who, not being entertained enough, decides to change the rules and once that happens everyone is all in. I don't know if it was "Steam", "The Executioner", or "Uncle Tom" who started it, but pretty soon everyone was asking crazy questions and I decided there was no way in hell I was choosing truth. By the way, the aliases of my friends in this story are from memories I associate with them.

So finally, Uncle Tom looks at me and says, "Truth or Dare?" Of course I say, "Dare" and they all move into a huddle to ponder my fate, while I sit there wishing I'd just chosen Truth. Finally, Thingy and Uncle look at me and rub their hands together, they're the worst of the lot. Uncle nods her head and ThinGy says, "We dare you to take your pants off, go outside, and stick your bum in the snow." I sighed, but figured I'd been let off easy. When I came back they all crowded outside to see the perfect imprints of my bum cheeks in the snow and now it was my turn and I thought fair was fair and sent ThinGy out to add some bosoms to our snow angel. It wasn't until we were all back inside again laughing that we remembered we lived next door to a church.